Those of you that know me, must know how GRATEFUL I am for so many things.  And now, on JUNE 15, 2012  I will have a child (my only child) who is a college graduate! He had to take a step-down to an Associate's Degree, due to something in MY past that prevented this year's loans from being approved.  But, considering he might've had to drop out, had my brother not stepped up to the plate to help, at least he will get a degree. 

I am as proud as proud can be.  Of him.
 
I wish I could say the same for myself.  It seems like I find myself, mired in one personal disappointment after the next.  The loans were just the start of the latest round of tribulations.  I'm working under extreme pain (2 compressed vertebrae), just to make enough for gas, smokes, and a few necessities. Then, come to find out, someone used either my son's or my SS#'s on their Tax Return!  So they denied mine!  It's all had to be refiled, but if the person doesn't "AMEND" their return, I WILL BE AUDITED!!!  I don't have any reason to worry on that front, but damn, that just means my refund will be held up, indefinitely!   So...I've been extremely depressed lately.  It seems like the harder I try, the behinder I get.  And today, on the way home, I was thinkin' about HOW I was goin' to get my son something nice for a graduation present, and he texts me, and says...I wanna have a grad party, MOM! 

Needless to say, the tears started.  THIS KID DESERVES A PARTY!!!  And I can't give him one.  He's been there for me, his whole life, and I've had to dissapoint him, time and time again.  WHY?  Even when I was a total F**K-UP, who drank and drugged my way thru most of his childhood, he was ALWAYS taken care of.  He didn't get a lot of things he wanted, but he always had what he needed!  Can't say that I'm proud of that. I could've done more. 
I feel like such a failure.  AGAIN! 

I've been clean for 3 1/2 years, and I thought life would be so much better.  It has improved in a lot of ways, and I've  been blessed.  I'm alive, when I prolly shouldn't be.  But I just can't believe, I still have to say no to this awesome young man.  HE deserves so much more.

Thanks for lettin' me vent.  I know this really ain't the place....

Ride Free 
Tweek </3

It's ok, Ya'll...it was that time, again.

Ride Free
Tweek

You are doing well, kid - Keep it up

I agree with DebraJo,couldnt say it any better!!

Who knows ? maybe a party can happen albeit a smaller one.
the last buddy of mine who graduated college had a small party
good luck n dont give up hope LOL

Tweek, 3 1/2 years is a HUGE accomplishment!! But nobody said we would be fartin rainbows an butterflies because of itYour son would NOT have gotten as far as he did without your love & support, be encouraged by that! June 15th is still 3 weeks away! Continue to Praise Him through the storm! It's so easy to give thanks when the going's good! My thoughts and Prayers are with you on this! (an btw, this IS the place for sayin whats in your heart)
L&R
~P

Tweek,
Paula and DebraJo nailed it. The turnaround you've made AND CONTINUE to do is amazing. So many never have the courage or motivation it takes to do it. Things may not turn out like we want them to, but if we know we did all we can, we have nothing to be ashamed of. So many young people these days never get to experience the love you have given to your son. Most just get some money tossed to them to get them outta their parents' hair. Although he may not have the material things you'd like to have given him. a mother's love is priceless.

Hang tough! I'm cheering you on!

MSG Bigg

Tweek,
I agree with everyone. You have already given your son a great gift. His mother clean for 3 1/2 years! that is the greatest gift you can give your son! He will charish it for the rest of his life. I hear you on wanting to give him material things, but you need to remember they are just things, and what will stick with him is your love and support, and he's got his mom back in his life. Keep up the good work! as for the grad party invite close friends and make it a pot luck, have everyone bring a dish to share.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Mary

Thank you all for the support and encouragement.  Every now and again, I forget to keep my hands off the wheel...










Ride Free

Tweek

Again, I hear ya Tweek, but everybody is right & you are a great Mom just for being there for him. I can relate as I am strapped too & it's my youngest's 16th Birthday next week. Lemme tell ya, I did foster care for a few years and the only thing those kids wanted was their mom's! Nothing else. Just support him in what he does and he will understand. If he's anything like you, he's a loving,caring, person with a good head on his shoulders. 3-1/2 years clean is awesome, and worth more than anything money can ever buy. Good memories are what last a lifetime. Do like Dragonwood said and create some great smiles & memories that will last forever

Thanks all. I'm just goin' thru some stuff right now. AND...worry is my middle name. It sucks. So if ya believe in this sorta thing, say a prayer for me. My son, will be fine. He says I worry too much...lol

Ride Free
Tweek

I've been there in a different way.

In 2008 life was going well for my boy and I. I was working we had a place. I started running races and brought him along to cheer me on. During my first 1/2 marathon he got excited because he saw runners could win a superman medal. The catch was, to win that medal I had to run 6 races (5 half-marathons and 1 marathon). I thought about it for a day and then I told him I would do it. In a way it's kind of crazy, running 13+ mile races, just because my boy wanted to brag to his friends that his mom had a superman medal. But I did it.

After that year times got tough... I lost my job, my relationship, our home but we had each other and we made the of best of the circumstances we had. I came back to school trying to get my life together but as a full-time student with no job money was more than tight, sometimes it just wasn't there.

Last year, I could feel the guilt inside me as his 20th birthday approached. The only thing I could give him? I wrapped up that superman medal from 2008 with all my love and hoped he would understand the meaning of it. In the card I gave him I wrote of how proud I was of him and how much I loved him and how happy I was that he was in my life and how sorry I was I couldn't give him more. I watched him open that present with a mixture of concern but seeing his eyes light up and that broad smile when he recognized the medal eased my worry.

This year for mothers day he gave me a card that made me laugh (it said: Everyone thinks their mom is the best but I'm the only one that's always right) and made me cry (he wrote: I love you so much mom, I'm glad I've had you to raise me and help along in life. You've helped show me a lot, and for the most part made me the man I am today.)

Reading that card made me realize 'he gets it'. I know your son does too. They see us struggle, they see how much we love them. They are our boys, but they become such independent strong men and make us proud.

Love to you sister. Love to your boy. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

It's almost here.  Graduation is Friday!  And you know that pic I posted?  "Jesus, take the wheel"?  Well...I've gotten some AWESOME news, (Thank you, God!) and things are gonna be great!  Thanks to all, for the well wishes and SUPPORT!  I will be posting pic's, come Saturday of this milestone, and whatever else awesome that transpires... 

Ride Free 
Tweek

Tweek remember you're among friends and your friends are bikers! How much better does it get?

Ride Free
Tweek

Tweek, you got him this far, graduation. That is not a failure.

@ Tweek

Never met you, but I do think your kid is lucky to have you as mom. There is no price-tag for having a mom who cares and stands by you and what ever you do. I had loads of parties, but that mom, not so much.

You take care and all the best to you and yours!


.p.s I think a big bowl of ice cream and a good stogie or two on the porch is a great party, especially when shared with someone who matters 

@AdventureGirl your post just made me cry at work!!!  If we ever meet, remind me to punch you in the arm  LOL just kiddin SuperMom!!  What a great share!!! What a Blessing you are to your son!!! L&R to you and thanks for the inspiration!

@Tweek keep on keepin on Sis!  Keep walkin like you own it!

I am Prayin for ya (and if that don't work Lola's got weapons AND chainmaile  )

I'm so proud of you for movin forward and just doin the next right thing in front of ya! its all any of us can do!

PICTURES ARE EXPECTED!!!!!

HAPPY GRADUATION TO YOUR BOY!!

@Tweek *yay* for the awesome news! This post makes me smile deep inside my heart. Happy for you whatever it is. Go ahead and be the proud mom, no matter what you think your life has been, you earned this just as much as your boy!

@PaulaL12562 Sorry, for the tears, you can give me that punch on the arm *lol* but then I'm going to follow it with a great big hug sister! L&R to you.

Buffy, D.J., Paula, Michelle, Lola, Idamae, Dragonwood...did I forget any of my girls? 

It's not IF we meet, it's when...and personally, after the year I've had, I'm REAL READY FOR A ROADTRIP!!!  Just Goyles...lol.  How about Vegas?  Or since we're all so (pardon the vernacular) spread out...tee-hee, I'm open to suggestions.  Let's do this.  HUH?  Just tell me where & when.  I'll hitch a ride if'n I has to...

Ride Free 
Tweek
PS can someone please tell me...what L&R stands for...sheesh.

I like the sound of this Tweek!

....its so cool to see your kids do good ;~).... Congratulations!