Ok heres the issue. I am tired burned out. I find no real plusure in any thing any more. I am not crying or whiney. I might think it was the usal just bitchy. But it anit even fun anymore.
Miss the ride Due to bad weather but I am not even overly Bitchy about it. I just seam to be gathering moss in the pond of life.
 Before we all start guessing let me give a little back ground. Or Just how fast can you suck the wind out of my sails.
2008 Compony I had worked at for the last 7 and a half years Failed.
2009 Blew out rt shoulder for the 2nd time. its better but not realy good. took 6 months to get the surgey. surgey done in 2010 a few months later I had a hart attack . 5 hart stints 18 pills each morning and 4 in the afternoon anther 6 to 8 each night. between all this we suffered thur selling off most of our real cool toys to save the house. And my father and mother died in with in a few days of each other. and we lost a long term fight with the federtaion of tribes here in the north west over our little girl Lilly.
in 2011 our house burned to the ground. We just really have recovered from it. 
I can only assume its some kind of depresion. Or some kind of issue with my Hart Meds.  

Am sorry to hear of your recent yrs of hard times, but you it definately sounds like you are a fighter and survivor! You are clearly someone, when you get knocked down, you keep getting up, which is an admirable trait in your character! After going thru such hard times, one after another, it is bound to catch up to you sooner or later.

I'm not a medical professional but... If I were you, I'd probably go talk to your family doctor about the possiblility of suffering from a temporary state of depression. Keep thinking positive, get plenty of rest, eat healthy, and hold onto your faith (if you have one).

Just my thoughts.... sending up prayers for you!

Yup, you're right DebraJo.... it's amazing what a ride, getting in the wind, will do!! Ugh... Winter!!

Hey Doug wow definatly a lot of sh..... to go through. Sounds like you need abreak, first i agree with u on the meds. Soinds like to many to soon. Check into that the side effects from all that can kill you. Sit back my friend re evaluate your life and make some possitive changes, take it slow and easy. Stay possitive and try some prayer
Good luck friend stay healthy , i pray something i said here will help.
God Bless you and the family

Doug, I ain't no Dr. so this ain't advice, K? JMHO. You sound clinically depressed. And after reading what you've been goin' thru, brother, I now want to kick my own ass for whinin' about some seriously mundane crap, next to yours. For the average person, losin' a parent or a job would be enough. I'm not goin' to list it all, cause you LIVE it all. Here's the thing, you said in another post, that you don't talk to God that often. May I make the suggestion, (take it or leave it) that you try, maybe opening up to HIM a little, now? Sometimes, that empty feeling we have is just waitin' to be filled with HIS love and mercy. I have been thru some stuff, too, And I felt so much better knowing
HE was listenin'. Take care of yourself, man. And know also, that their are bunches of us, here too, when you need us, K?

Ride Free
Tweek

Damn Psycho... That's deep poop... I do know that some meds will have that affect and couple it with the poop you and yer partner have been going thru... Hell, I'd be surprised if you DIDN'T have some depression issues. Ain't an excuse... but it is a damn sure REASON!
So, check w/your Dr. about side effects. Next,take yer lady out for a date once a week. Don't have to be expensive, just 'get away' for a few hours and promise not to talk about 'The Poop'. Whatever ya do, even with all the crap that has flowed down YOUR valley, try and remember that everything changes. From the sound of it, you and yer lady are DUE for some good things. (Inmyopinion) Everything in my life has changed and I know that when things are bad, it will change to something good.... and vice versa... that's the bitch, living thru the hard parts.
Saw your post on my 'Soldier's poem' and all I can say is when somebody asks me "Why do you believe in God?" I tell 'em "That's why it's called Faith. I believe in something I cannot prove... and yet I still believe." Belief in a Supreme Being, whatever you call Him, is built on Faith and Belief...
Too much for ya? Cool, believe in yourself first. That's a great start. Then, Believe in your partner. She's stood by ya while the poop's been getting deep, right?
All I'm saying to ya... these are dark daze... the light will shine again and you'll feel better. This is the hard part, start looking for the 'Good Parts' and ya just might catch a glimpse!
Repectfully,
Edge Walker

Been there Bud (no heart attack)...it can be a long return, we have a saying here in Ireland....


Dá fhada an lá
tagann an tráthnóna.

It roughly translates as " however long the day, the evening will come"..

its an attitude I've lived by, its no panacea for life, but it helps.

Hey Doug, Sorry to hear all the sh## you've endured in recent years,,, tough run. But, You have endured it and are writing here,,,,, Good choice.
I have a little case of depression too,,, can't put my finger on it. What does help is trying to stay busy and get involved. You may not realize it but, you have alot to offer others because of what you have been through. There are alot of veterans that come home with trama, not that same as yours but, they may feel just as frustrated as you, and feel that nothing makes them happy like they think it should.
Are you involved with the local chapter of ABATE or the Patriot Guard Riders,,, both are usually awesome groups of people from all walks of life.
Keep writing, it does help to just vent it !!!

Ok This is what you do......Hop on your scoot and find ya a wide freeway with not to many cars on it..... Get in the middle lane and throttle up to about 70 MPH..........Now Shut Your Eyes For As Long As Possible. Try not to scream!
When you open your eyes the world will seem a lot better than before just because you will have realized that you just survived a stupid stunt, and life is good.
See how the simplest things can make you feel better
Dragon

Psycho... "Edgewalker" hit all the good points. I've delt with the Heart issues stents and all at the ripe age of 38 now I am 48. Rocked my world but am truly better for it. Med companies love me! Anyway, follow Edgewalkers post, the good Lord, positive attitude [which you have] and a good Doc makes all the difference. I just sent prayers your way.

Gee man, things have been toough on you to say the least. I had a quadruple bypass in 05. Heart meds were killing me (I'll explain that someday) so I quit them all; every last one. Now there's a difference between you and me. I was told my heart was "fixed" while you have stints to keep your arteries open. But I would suggest going back to the doctor. Find out if there's one med you can discontinue that may not be so critical to your good health. Weed the things out one at a time. And also, the depression thing is as real as rain. Don't be too proud to see someone about it. It's not worth your sanity to keep sheite inside.
Peace

I didn't mean to make lite of the issue in my reply and I know laughter is not a cure, but sometimes it helps a bit. Another thing I find helpful when I'm down and out is deal out random acts of kindness to people less fortunate than yourself. It will take your mind off of your issues.

First off let me say..wow, you have really been through some trying moments...but you are still here aren't you?...you are a true fighter, and have a companion by your side that has stuck with you..i can't begin to imagine what you have been through..or how i would react in your situation...but anyone would be depressed going through all that..so that is normal...i would say check on the meds..they may not have them right..take some time out and do some thing simple...go the lake and sit on a rock and watch the sun go down, go to the beach and stand in front of the ocean and close your eyes...something relaxing, with no interruptions no pressure..just you alone with your thoughts, Dragon was right, laughter will do you a world of good, go visit a comedy club and just laugh.....then after some good down time you can come back and face your problems with a clearer head..and move forward.....wish you all the best brother.

The tests in life are not meant to break you,they make us into the people we are.Your one tuff sun of a beach& not finding pleasure in everyday things is perfectly normal when going thru a rough patch,your gonna pull thru w/any luck at all,n if ya think on it you will knw youve been lucky huh? or maybe it wasnt luck?

On a bus coming back from snowskiing & nearly killing myself on Aspen mtn,two guys debating in front of me one is a pastor/preacher, the other aetheist,Well does God exist is the ??..blah blah..one guy turns to me & asks well what do you think does he exist? (thought abt nearly skiing off a 100 ft drop off earlier)..I said to them 'Aint no aetheist in a foxhole'...LOL I think it stumped them both..sometimes in life we dont find faith it finds us..LOL !!!

So have a little faith,things will turn around for you,they have before they will again

It is incredible that you have made it this far and I applaud you for your courage and inner strength.
Most importantly, you are blessed to have your wife by your side and I am sure she feels the same way you do, knowing that each of you can count on the other.
Each of us have experienced some moments of depression and how one reacts to it is crucial to the healing process. It's human nature to avoid it, to rationalize it even but I agree with others who have suggested you see an MD and/or a mental health professional. It won't make all the problems go away but MANAGING it daily is a step forward.
Life corners us sometimes; everything falls apart and we run out of options to escape. Whoever you believe in as your spiritual center can be a way to function on a daily basis; the most profound spiritual truths seem pretty straight-forward and ordinary. When we feel ready to give up, this is the time when healing can be found in the tenderness of pain itself. Keep exploring and don't bail out. Emptiness is not what we thought when life begins to spring back into our lives. Life is a good teacher and a good friend. Things are always in transition, if we could only realize it.
I have observed that this site and the members who are feeling your pain are wise selfish people who know that the best thing they can do for themselves is to be there for others. As a result, they experience joy. You have plenty of friends who wish you better days.

Some tough breaks in there.

We are living thru some really evil times. - Started working for wages in about 1955 & these are the worst times I have seen.  - Most of my friends have departed this earth & the few that reamain are inemployed/underemplyed. - Good people, each & every one of them.

Check the opinion makers & they all agree on one thing - They hate people like us..

Not much comfort but being depressed is about the most intelligent response to the times we are going thru

NightDragon suggested something that helps me a little. - Volunteering & acts of charity 

Well after killing a few miles to day. I do have to admit. I do feel a bit better. Mind you it was cold as hell in the mid to high 30s today. I rode for a few hours. To come home to my 8 year old at the top of the drive way waiting for me. She asked if I miss Little Lilly. I told her yes. Then to brake the mood. I told her to grab her gear and lets go for a ride. Off like a shot. We did the local long loop about 40 miles. We stoped for hot choclet and she asked if I was feeling ok. I told her how much I still missed our little buddy. She told me how school went. I asked her if she was ready to ride? Always with you daddy. Tink is coming up on her last year as a tank kid. Soon its all back seat till she hits her own bike. As we rode thur a small draw near the home. A few small set a switch backs. Shes hanging on to the fairing as I toss the bike back and forth. She tucked in behind the small windsheild Like a fighter jocky. Screaming FASTER. We rode down the drive as the last tear from my eyes dried up.

And let those two things, your beautiful daughter, and the riding that you're able to do, be what gives you hope and strength. It's hard to find something to hold onto, with depression, sometimes. But you CAN do this. Just remember, as cliche' as it sounds? THIS TOO, SHALL PASS. So hang in there, Doug. We got your back.

Ride Free
Tweek

I got your "6" !

This to shall pass. funny thing what some sun and a good ride will do for ya. the weather has taken a turn for the better. got a short ride in this morning. with any luck I might get a short run in this afternoon. But I do have to admit I feel much better. I think it might been a bit of CABIN FEVER!
Life is funny. I ve been up I ve been down. Pretty lucky really. Did my army time and made thur it pretty much compleat. Lost everthing to drugs. Made it thur that. 2 x wifes Made it thur that. I got thur a bunch of leagle bull shit. Lucky as hell there. Then in 2001 I met up with an old freind from back in high school days. Little did I know that she would be wife number 3. Shes one hell of a women. To put up with my baggage!